Kick-Ass (2010) quotes

Director
Matthew Vaughn.

Cast
Aaron Taylor-Johnson.
Nicolas Cage.
Chloƫ Grace Moretz.

Dave Lizewski is an unnoticed high school student and comic book fan who one day decides to become a superhero, even though he has no powers, training or meaningful reason to do so.

So… Have you thought a little more about what you might want for your birthday?
– Damon Macready
Can I get a puppy?
– Mindy Macready
You wanna get a dog?
– Damon Macready
Yeah, a cuddly fluffy one, and a Bratz movie-star make over Sasha!
– Mindy Macready
I’m just fucking with you Daddy! Look, I’d love a Benchmade model 42 butterfly knife.
– Mindy Macready
Oh, child… You always knock me for a loop!
– Damon Macready

Yeah! I think I’m in love with her, dude.
– Todd
She looks like she’s about 11 years old but…
– Marty
I can wait! I solemnly vow to save myself for her.
– Todd
I can see how that would be really difficult for you.
– Marty

The fuck is wrong with you, man? You’d rather die for some piece of shit that you don’t even fucking know?
– Diner Fight Guy 1
The three assholes, laying into one guy while everybody else watches? And you wanna know what’s wrong with me? Yeah, I’d rather die… so bring it on!
– Dave Lizewski

Show’s over, motherfuckers.
– Hit Girl

I always wondered why nobody did it before me. I mean, all those comic books, movies, TV shows. You think that one eccentric loner would’ve made himself a costume. I mean, is everyday life really so exciting? Are schools and offices so thrilling that I’m the only one who fantasized about this? Come on, be honest with yourself. At some point in our lives we all wanna be a superhero.
– Dave Lizewski
That’s not me,by the way. That’s some Armenia guy with a history of mental health problems.
– Dave Lizewski

With no power, comes no responsibility. Except, *that* wasn’t true.
– Dave Lizewski

What’s the difference between Spider-Man and Peter Parker? Spider-Man gets the girl.
– Dave Lizewski

How do I get a hold of you?
– Dave Lizewski
You just contact the mayor’s office. He has a special signal he shines in the sky; it’s in the shape of a giant cock.
– Hit Girl

Dave? What the fuck are you doing? Why are you dressed as Kick-Ass?
– Katie Deauxma
Because I am Kick-Ass!
– Dave Lizewski
What are you talking about?
– Katie Deauxma
I’m also not gay!
– Dave Lizewski
Fuck!
– Katie Deauxma

Fuck you, Mr. Bitey!
– Dave Lizewski

Mindy, no more homework, Babydoll. Time for Frank D’Amico to go bye-bye.
– Damon Macready

Okay you cunts… Let’s see what you can do now!
– Hit Girl

Fuck this shit, I’m getting the bazooka!
– Huge Goon

If it wasn’t for you, I’d be dead.
– Dave Lizewski
And if it wasn’t for you… my dad wouldn’t be.
– Hit Girl

You owe that girl a childhood.
– Sergeant Marcus Williams
I’ll tell you who owes her a childhood, FRANK D’AMICO!
– Damon Macready

Yeah, that’s right! We’re superheroes! You love us!
– Chris D’Amico

Jesus, guys, doesn’t it bug you? Like thousand of people wanna be Paris Hilton and nobody wants to be Spiderman.
– Dave Lizewski
Yeah, what’s with that? She has like no tits at all.
– Marty
Maybe it’s the porn tape, he doesn’t have a porn tape.
– Todd
You guys never saw “One Night In Spiderman”?
– Marty

Go to Robiiiin’s Reveeeeeeeenge!
– Big Daddy

Aww dude, that is one *gay* looking taser.
– Hit Girl

This is awesome! I look like frickin’ Wolverine!
– Dave Lizewski

Dave Lizewski. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you looking at my tits, Dave. Oh, yes! I want your hands all over me. Please fuck me, Dave!
– Mrs. Zane

Hit-Girl, back to headquarters!
– Damon Macready

So, you wanna play?
– Hit Girl

Like most people my age, I just existed.
– Dave Lizewski

Even with my metal plates and my fucked up nerve endings, I gotta tell you, that hurt! But not half as much as the idea of leaving everything behind. Katie, my dad, Todd and Marty… and all the things I’d never do. Like learn to drive or see what me and Katie’s kids would look like or find out what happened on “Lost”. And if you’re reassuring yourself that I’m going to make it through this since I’m talking to you now, quit being such a smart-ass! Hell dude, you never seen “Sin City”? “Sunset Boulevard”? “American Beauty”?
– Dave Lizewski

Like every serial killer already knew: eventually fantasizing just doesn’t do it for you anymore.
– Dave Lizewski

Who the fuck are you supposed to be? The green condom? You know it ain’t Halloween for another few months, kid?
– Leroy

God I wish I had a son like you… time for the family reunion!
– Frank D’Amico

Take cover child!
– Big Daddy