Shrek (2001) quotes

Directors
Andrew Adamson, Vicky Jenson.

Cast
Mike Myers.
Eddie Murphy.
Cameron Diaz.

After his swamp is filled with magical creatures, Shrek agrees to rescue Princess Fiona for a villainous lord in order to get his land back.

What’s that? It’s hideous!
– Lord Farquaad
Well, that’s not very nice.
– Shrek
It’s just a donkey.
– Shrek

Whoa. Look at that. Who’d wanna live in a place like that?
– Donkey
That, would be my home.
– Shrek
Oh… and it is LOVELY! You know, you’re really quite a decorator. It’s amazing what you’ve done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a NICE boulder.
– Donkey

That’ll do, Donkey. That’ll do.
– Shrek

We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I’m making waffles!
– Donkey

Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Man, this would be so much easier if I wasn’t COLOR-BLIND!
– Donkey

Where are you going? The exit’s over there!
– Princess Fiona
Well, I have to save my ass.
– Shrek
What kind of knight ARE you?
– Princess Fiona
One of a kind.
– Shrek

Hi, Princess!
– Donkey
It talks!
– Princess Fiona
Yeah, it’s getting him to shut up that’s the trick!
– Shrek

For your information, there’s a lot more to ogres than people think.
– Shrek
Example?
– Donkey
Example… uh… ogres are like onions!
– Shrek
They stink?
– Donkey
Yes… No!
– Shrek
Oh, they make you cry?
– Donkey
No!
– Shrek
Oh, you leave ’em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin’ little white hairs…
– Donkey
NO! Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers… You get it? We both have layers.
– Shrek
Oh, you both have LAYERS. Oh. You know, not everybody like onions. CAKE! Everybody loves cake! Cakes have layers!
– Donkey
I don’t care what everyone likes! Ogres are not like cakes.
– Shrek
You know what ELSE everybody likes? Parfaits! Have you ever met a person, you say, “Let’s get some parfait,” they say, “Hell no, I don’t like no parfait.”? Parfaits are delicious!
– Donkey
NO! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story! Bye-bye! See ya later.
– Shrek
Parfait’s may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet!
– Donkey

Hey, what’s your problem, Shrek, what you got against the whole world anyway, huh?
– Donkey
Look, I’m not the one with the problem, okay? It’s the world that seems to have a problem with ME! People take one look at me and go “Aargh! Help! Run! A big stupid ugly ogre!” They judge me before they even know me – that’s why I’m better off alone…
– Shrek
You know, Shrek… when we first met, I didn’t think you were a big, stupid, ugly ogre.
– Donkey
Yeah, I know.
– Shrek

Donkey, two things okay? Shut… up!
– Shrek

So where is this fire-breathin’ pain in the neck, anyway?
– Donkey
Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.
– Shrek
I was talkin’ about the dragon, Shrek.
– Donkey

Hey, don’t look at me, I didn’t invite them!
– Donkey
Oh, gosh, no one invited us!
– Pinocchio
What?
– Shrek
We were forced to come here!
– Pinocchio
By who?
– Shrek
Lord Farquaad. He huffed, and he puffed… and he signed an eviction notice.
– Little Pig

I’ll find those stairs. I’ll whip their butt, too. Those stairs won’t know which way they’re going… take drastic steps, kick it to the curb. Don’t mess wit’ me. I’m the Stair Master. I’ve mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here, right now, I’d step all over it…
– Donkey

Oh, that’s funny. Oh. Oh. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe.
– Donkey

This cage is too small.
– Baby Bear

If I treat you so badly, then why did you come back, huh?
– Shrek
Because that’s what friends do, they FORGIVE EACH OTHER!
– Donkey
Oh, yeah. You’re right, Donkey. I forgive you – for stabbing me in the back!
– Shrek

Thank you, thank you very much. I’m here ’til Thursday. Try the veal.
– Shrek