National Lampoon’s European Vacation (1985) quotes

Director
Amy Heckerling.

Cast
Chevy Chase.
Beverly D’Angelo.
Dana Hill.

The Griswolds win a vacation tour across Europe where the usual havoc ensues.

There it is, kids, my motherland.
– Clark Griswold
Dad, Grandma’s from Chicago.
– Rusty Griswold
Shut up, Russ.
– Clark Griswold

Who was it that said when in Rome do as the Romans do?
– Rusty Griswold
That was Rome not Paris. This is Paris and you’re drunk.
– Clark Griswold

There’s Buckingham Palace, kids. That’s where the Queen lives and works.
– Clark Griswold
Works? What does she do, Dad?
– Audrey Griswold
She queens… and vacuums.
– Clark Griswold

Dad he’s grabbing her tits right there at the table!
– Rusty Griswold
Just eat your breakfast, Russ.
– Clark Griswold
… Dad, I think he’s gonna pork her.
– Rusty Griswold
He’s not gonna pork her, Russ.
– Clark Griswold
I think he’s gonna.
– Rusty Griswold
He may pork her, finish your breakfast.
– Clark Griswold

Clark, why don’t we just forget the “Pig-in-a-Poke” itinerary, and just play it by ear, like normal people?
– Ellen Griswold
Honey, we’re not normal people. We’re the Griswolds.
– Clark Griswold

Oink oink, my good man!
– Rusty Griswold

Great, are you happy now Dad? She’s dead!
– Rusty Griswold

Look back there!
– Ellen Griswold
Yeah, it’s just a hooker. They’re all over the place.
– Clark Griswold
Look who she’s with!
– Ellen Griswold

Those bells haven’t rung in years.
– Claudia
What do they mean?
– Rusty Griswold
They’re going to hang someone!
– Claudia
DAD!
– Rusty Griswold

There’s the Left Bank, kids. Russ, I bet you can’t guess what bank is on the right.
– Clark Griswold
The Bank of America.
– Rusty Griswold

What the Hell is this?
– Rusty Griswold

Clark, you’re driving on the wrong side of the road!
– Ellen Griswold
I realize that honey. I’m also on the wrong side of the car.
– Clark Griswold

Isn’t that Herman’s children?
– Fritz Spritz
Herman never had kids.
– Helga Spritz

… Hey, Dad, look. Bed pans!
– Rusty Griswold

That’s it! That’s it! That’s the way I want my haircut, Dad!
– Rusty Griswold
Rusty, you don’t want to look like a rooster do you?
– Clark Griswold

…Yep, the Griswolds are back.
– Rusty Griswold