Die Hard (1988) quotes

Director
John McTiernan.

Cast
Bruce Willis.
Alan Rickman.
Bonnie Bedelia.

John McClane, officer of the NYPD, tries to save his wife Holly Gennaro and several others that were taken hostage by German terrorist Hans Gruber during a Christmas party at the Nakatomi Plaza in Los Angeles.

[on the radio] Mr. Mystery Guest? Are you still there?
Hans Gruber
Yeah, I’m still here. Unless you wanna open the front door for me.
John McClane
Uh, no, I’m afraid not. But, you have me at a loss. You know my name but who are you? Just another American who saw too many movies as a child? Another orphan of a bankrupt culture who thinks he’s John Wayne? Rambo? Marshal Dillon?
Hans Gruber
Was always kinda partial to Roy Rogers actually. I really like those sequined shirts.
John McClane
Do you really think you have a chance against us, Mr. Cowboy?
Hans Gruber
Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.
John McClane

[huddled in an air vent, recalls his wife’s invitation] “Come out to the coast, we’ll get together, have a few laughs…”
– John McClane

[as McClane tries to call up police] Attention, whoever you are, this channel is reserved for emergency calls only.
Supervisor
No fucking shit, lady. Does it sound like I’m ordering a pizza?
John McClane

I’ve got a hundred people down here, and they’re covered with glass.
Dwayne T. Robinson
Glass? Who gives a shit about glass? Who the fuck is this?
John McClane
This is Deputy Chief of Police, Dwayne T. Robinson, and I am in charge of this situation.
Dwayne T. Robinson
Oh, you’re in charge? Well, I got some bad news for you *Dwayne*, from up here it doesn’t look like you’re in charge of jack shit.
John McClane
You listen to me, you little asshole, I’m…
Dwayne T. Robinson
Asshole? I’m not the one who just got butt-fucked on national TV, *Dwayne*. Now, you listen to me, jerk-off, if you’re not a part of the solution, you’re a part of the problem. Quit being a part of the fucking problem and put the other guy back on!
John McClane

[Reading what McClane wrote on the dead terrorist’s shirt] “Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho.”
– Hans Gruber

[Hans’ radio turns on] I thought I told all of you, I want radio silence until further…
Hans Gruber
Ooooh, I’m very sorry Hans. I didn’t get that message. Maybe you should’ve put it on the bulletin board. I figured since I’ve waxed Tony and Marco and his friend here, I figured you and Karl and Franco might be a little lonely, so I wanted to give you a call.
John McClane
How does he know so much about th…
Karl
[silences Karl him with a gesture] That’s very kind of you. I assume you are our mysterious party crasher. You are most troublesome, for a security guard.
Hans Gruber
Eeeh! Sorry Hans, wrong guess. Would you like to go for Double Jeopardy where the scores can really change?
John McClane
[speaking to dead man about cigarettes]
Whoa, these are very bad for you.
John McClane
Who are you then?
Hans Gruber
Just a fly in the ointment, Hans. The monkey in the wrench. The pain in the ass.
John McClane

Welcome to the party, pal.
– John McClane

[Karl smashes a table of glasses in fury] God. That man looks *really* pissed.
Ginny
He’s still alive.
Holly Gennero McClane
What?
Ginny
Only John can drive somebody that crazy.
Holly Gennero McClane

Drop it, dickhead. It’s the police.
John McClane
You won’t hurt me.
Tony
Oh, yeah? Why not?
John McClane
Because you’re a policeman. There are rules for policemen.
Tony
Yeah. That’s what my captain keeps telling me.
John McClane

This time John Wayne does not walk off into the sunset with Grace Kelly.
Hans Gruber
That was Gary Cooper, asshole.
John McClane

You throw quite a party. I didn’t realize they celebrated Christmas in Japan.
John McClane
Hey, we’re flexible. Pearl Harbor didn’t work out so we got you with tape decks.
Joseph Takagi

You’d have made a pretty good cowboy yourself, Hans.
John McClane
Oh, yes. What was it you said to me before? “Yippie-ki-yay, motherfucker.”
Hans Gruber

You want money? What kind of terrorists are you?
Joseph Takagi
Who said we were terrorists?
Hans Gruber

“And when Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer.” Benefits of a classical education.
– Hans Gruber

[while crawling through a narrow ventilation shaft] Now I know what a TV dinner feels like.
– John McClane

I’m Agent Johnson, this is Special Agent Johnson.
FBI Agent Johnson
Oh, how you doin’?
Dwayne T. Robinson
No relation.
FBI Agent Johnson

We’re gonna need some more FBI guys, I guess.
– Dwayne T. Robinson