Dark Shadows (2012) quotes

Director
Tim Burton.

Cast
Johnny Depp.
Michelle Pfeiffer.
Eva Green.
Christopher Lee.

An imprisoned vampire, Barnabas Collins, is set free and returns to his ancestral home, where his dysfunctional descendants are in need of his protection.

I’m going to make an offer to you, Barnabas. My last. You can join me by my side and we can run Collinsport together as partners, and lovers… or I’ll put you back in the box.
– Angelique Bouchard
I have already prepared my counter-proposal. It reads thusly: You may strategically place your wonderful lips upon my posterior and kiss it repeatedly!
– Barnabas Collins

Josette…
– Barnabas Collins
My name is Victoria Winters. Please, call me Vicky.
– Victoria Winters
Enchanted. But I shall call you Victoria, a name so wonderful to me that I could not stand to lose a single syllable of it.
– Barnabas Collins

Here are my terms: Goest thou to hell, and swiftly please, and there may Azmodaeus himself suckle from your diseased teat!
– Barnabas Collins

What is that thing?
– Barnabas Collins
It’s a lamp.
– Dr. Julia Hoffman
It looks like a pulsating blood urn!
– Barnabas Collins

If I can’t have you, my love, I’ll destroy you!
– Angelique Bouchard

Children, get away from that man!
– Elizabeth Collins Stoddard
He said his name was Barnabas Collins.
– David Collins
And I’m pretty sure he called me a hooker.
– Carolyn Stoddard

The Collins have always held the biggest and most expensive balls.
– Barnabas Collins
That’s what I’ve been saying, this family needs more balls!
– Roger Collins

Carolyn touches herself. She makes noises like a kitten.
– David Collins
You little shit!
– Carolyn Stoddard

Leave us alone!
– Carolyn Stoddard
Carolyn? Carolyn, my God!
– Elizabeth Collins Stoddard
I’m a werewolf, okay? Let’s not make a big deal out of it.
– Carolyn Stoddard

His name was Barnabas Collins, and he was the finest man this family ever knew.
– Elizabeth Collins Stoddard

Every year I get half as pretty and twice as drunk.
– Dr. Julia Hoffman

I have spent the last two centuries locked in a box, with nothing to keep me occupied but a glimpse into the dark shadows of my soul.
– Barnabas Collins

Fire. Murder. Angry mob. Run!
– Willie Loomis

What do you think of the President?
– Elizabeth Collins Stoddard
Never met him.
– Victoria Winters
What do you think of the war?
– Elizabeth Collins Stoddard
I don’t watch television.
– Victoria Winters
Do you think the sexes should be equal?
– Elizabeth Collins Stoddard
Heavens, no. Men would become quite unmanageable.
– Victoria Winters
I think we’re going to get along fine.
– Elizabeth Collins Stoddard

A woman doctor… what an age this is.
– Barnabas Collins
Is he for real?
– Dr. Julia Hoffman

Prey, what month is it?
– Barnabas Collins
October, that’s why there’s pumpkins.
– Willie Loomis

Peace wins every war.
– Hippie

How would you describe Liverpool?
– Dr. Julia Hoffman
Filthy!
– Barnabas Collins