Birdman (2014) quotes

Director
Alejandro G. Iñárritu.

Cast
Michael Keaton.
Zach Galifianakis.
Edward Norton.

A washed-up actor, who once played an iconic superhero, attempts to revive his career by writing and starring in his very own Broadway play.

Popularity is the slutty little cousin of prestige.
– Mike Shiner

Oh my gosh! How do you know Mike Shiner?
– Jake
We share a vagina.
– Lesley

How did we end up here? This place is horrible. Smells like balls. We don’t belong here.
– Young Birdman

A man becomes a critic when he cannot be an artist, the same way that a man becomes an informer when he cannot be a soldier.
– Mike Shiner

Why don’t I have any self respect?
– Lesley
You’re an actress, honey.
– Laura

Does she speak?
– Mike Shiner
She does. Yeah, she can sit, stay, and roll over if you have any treats.
– Sam

You’ve been hanging around here trying to make yourself invisible behind this fragile little fuck-up routine but you can’t. You’re anything but invisible. You’re big. You’re kind of a great mess. It’s like a candle burning at both ends, but it’s beautiful. No amount of booze or weed or attitude is going to hide that.
– Mike Shiner

Shave off that pathetic goatee. Get some surgery. Sixty’s the new thirty, motherfucker!
– Riggan

Listen to me. I’m trying to do something important.
– Riggan
This is not important.
– Sam
It’s important to me! Alright? Maybe not to you, or your cynical friends whose only ambition is to go viral. But to me… To me… this is – God. This is my career, this is my chance to do some work that actually means something.
– Riggan
Means something to who? You had a career before the third comic book movie, before people began to forget who was inside the bird costume. You’re doing a play based on a book that was written 60 years ago, for a thousand rich old white people whose only real concern is gonna be where they go to have their cake and coffee when it’s over. And let’s face it, Dad, it’s not for the sake of art. It’s because you want to feel relevant again. Well, there’s a whole world out there where people fight to be relevant every day. And you act like it doesn’t even exist! Things are happening in a place that you willfully ignore, a place that has already forgotten you. I mean, who the fuck are you? You hate bloggers. You make fun of Twitter. You don’t even have a Facebook page. You’re the one who doesn’t exist. You’re doing this because you’re scared to death, like the rest of us, that you don’t matter. And you know what? You’re right. You don’t. It’s not important. You’re not important. Get used to it.
-Sam
Dad…
– Sam

I’m nothing. I’m not even here.
– Riggan

Just find me an actor. A good actor. Give me Woody Harrelson.
– Riggan
He’s doing the next Hunger Games.
– Jake
Michael Fassbender?
– Riggan
He’s doing the prequel to the X-Men prequel.
– Jake
How about Jeremy Renner?
– Riggan
Who?
– Jake
Jeremy Renner. He was nominated. He was the Hurt Locker guy.
– Riggan
Oh, okay. He’s an Avenger.
– Jake
F – k, they put him in a cape too?
– Riggan

That’s a nice bird, man!
– Mike Shiner

The last time I flew here from LA, George Clooney was sitting two seats in front of me. With those cuff links, and that… ridiculous chin. We ended up flying through this really bad storm. The plane started to rattle and shake, and everyone on board was crying, and praying. And I just sat there. Sat there thinking that when Sam opened that paper it was going to be Clooney’s face on the front page. Not mine. Did you know that Farrah Fawcett died on the same day as Michael Jackson?
– Riggan

That’s you Mike. You’re Mr. Natural. Mr. “F – k the scene, just stare at my massive hard-on,” right? That’s the truth of the moment.
– Riggan
Do you think it was massive?
– Mike Shiner

People, they love blood. They love action. Not this talky, depressing, philosophical bullshit.
– Riggan

Why do you act like a dick all the time? Do you just do it to antagonize people?
– Sam
Maybe.
– Mike Shiner
You really don’t give a shit if people like you or not?
– Sam
Not really.
– Mike Shiner
That’s cool.
– Sam
Is it? I don’t know.
– Mike Shiner