The Big Lebowski (1998) quotes

Director
Joel Coen, Ethan Coen.

Cast
Jeff Bridges.
John Goodman.
Julianne Moore.

“The Dude” Lebowski, mistaken for a millionaire Lebowski, seeks restitution for his ruined rug and enlists his bowling buddies to help get it.

You ready to be fucked, man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we’re gonna fuck you up.
Jesus Quintana
Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.
The Dude
Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I’ll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger ’til it goes “click.”
Jesus Quintana
Jesus.
The Dude
You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
Jesus Quintana
Eight-year-olds, Dude.
Walter Sobchak

[holding up a bowling ball]
What the fuck is this?
Blond Treehorn Thug
Obviously you’re not a golfer.
The Dude

Shut the fuck up, Donny.
– Walter Sobchak

[repeated line by The Dude and others]
That rug really tied the room together.
– The Dude

Let me explain something to you. Um, I am not “Mr. Lebowski”. You’re Mr. Lebowski. I’m the Dude. So that’s what you call me. You know, that or, uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.
– The Dude

Rug pee-ers did not do this. Look at it: a young trophy wife, marries this guy for his money, she figures he hasn’t given her enough, you know, she owes money all over town.
The Dude
That, fuckin’ – bitch…
Walter Sobchak
It’s all a god damn fake, man. It’s like Lenin said: you look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh, you know…
The Dude
I am the walrus.
Donny
You know, you’ll uh, uh – well, you know what I’m trying’ to say…
The Dude
I am the walrus.
Donny
That fucking bitch!
Walter Sobchak
Oh yeah!
The Dude
I am the walrus.
Donny
Shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!
Walter Sobchak
What the fuck is he talking about?
Donny

Nobody fucks with the Jesus!
– Jesus Quintana

Take it easy, Dude.
The Stranger
Oh, yeah!
The Dude
I know that you will.
The Stranger
Yeah, well – the Dude abides.
The Dude
[Exits with beers in hand]
[to the camera]
The Dude abides. I don’t know about you but I take comfort in that. It’s good knowin’ he’s out there. The Dude. Takin’ ‘er easy for all us sinners.
The Stranger

God damn you Walter! You fuckin’ asshole! Everything’s a fuckin’ travesty with you, man! And what was all that shit about Vietnam? What the FUCK, has anything got to do with Vietnam? What the fuck are you talking about?
– The Dude

[on video]
You must be here to fix the cable.
Sherry in ‘Logjammin’
Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here.
Maude Lebowski
He fixes the cable?
The Dude
Don’t be fatuous, Jeffrey.
Maude Lebowski

[voiceover]
Way out west there was this fella… fella I wanna tell ya about. Fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least that was the handle his loving parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. Mr. Lebowski, he called himself “The Dude”. Now, “Dude” – that’s a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then there was a lot about the Dude that didn’t make a whole lot of sense. And a lot about where he lived, likewise. But then again, maybe that’s why I found the place so darned interestin’. They call Los Angeles the “City Of Angels.” I didn’t find it to be that, exactly. But I’ll allow there are some nice folks there. ‘Course I can’t say I’ve seen London, and I ain’t never been to France. And I ain’t never seen no queen in her damned undies, so the feller says. But I’ll tell you what – after seeing Los Angeles, and this here story I’m about to unfold, well, I guess I seen somethin’ every bit as stupefyin’ as you’d see in any of them other places. And in English, too. So I can die with a smile on my face, without feelin’ like the good Lord gypped me. Now this here story I’m about to unfold took place back in the early ’90s – just about the time of our conflict with Sad’m and the I-raqis. I only mention it because sometimes there’s a man… I won’t say a hero, ’cause, what’s a hero? But sometimes, there’s a man. And I’m talkin’ about the Dude here. Sometimes, there’s a man, well, he’s the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that’s the Dude, in Los Angeles. And even if he’s a lazy man – and the Dude was most certainly that. Quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County, which would place him high in the runnin’ for laziest worldwide. But sometimes there’s a man, sometimes, there’s a man. Aw. I lost my train of thought here. But… aw, hell. I’ve done introduced him enough.
– The Stranger

Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it’s an ethos.
– Walter Sobchak

Are you employed, sir?
The Big Lebowski
Employed?
The Dude
You don’t go out looking for a job dressed like that? On a weekday?
The Big Lebowski
Is this a… what day is this?
The Dude
Well, I do work sir, so if you don’t mind…
The Big Lebowski
I do mind, the Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this aggression will not stand, man.
The Dude

Am I wrong?
Walter Sobchak
No you’re not wrong.
The Dude
Am I wrong?
Walter Sobchak
You’re not wrong Walter. You’re just an asshole.
The Dude
Okay then.
Walter Sobchak

I’ll suck your cock for a thousand dollars.
Bunny Lebowski
Ah hahahahaha! Wonderful woman. We’re all, we’re all very fond of her. Very free-spirited.
Brandt
Brandt can’t watch, though, or he has to pay a hundred.
Bunny Lebowski
Ah haha. That’s marvelous.
Brandt
Uh, I’m just gonna go find a cash machine.
The Dude

And was there anything of value in the car?
Younger Cop
Oh, uh, yeah, uh… a tape deck, some Creedence tapes, and there was a, uh… uh, my briefcase.
The Dude
[expectant pause]
In the briefcase?
Younger Cop
Uh, uh, papers, um, just papers, uh, you know, uh, my papers, business papers.
The Dude
And what do you do, sir?
Younger Cop
I’m unemployed.
The Dude

Hey, careful, man, there’s a beverage here!
– The Dude

Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, man.
– The Dude