Best in Show (2000) quotes

Director
 Christopher Guest.

Cast
Fred Willard.
Eugene Levy.
Catherine O’Hara.

A colorful array of characters compete at a national dog show.

I used to be able to name every nut that there was. And it used to drive my mother crazy, because she used to say, “Harlan Pepper, if you don’t stop naming nuts,” and the joke was that we lived in Pine Nut, and I think that’s what put it in my mind at that point. So she would hear me in the other room, and she’d just start yelling. I’d say, “Peanut. Hazelnut. Cashew nut. Macadamia nut.” That was the one that would send her into going crazy. She’d say, “Would you stop naming nuts!” And Hubert used to be able to make the sound, he couldn’t talk, but he’d go “rrrawr rrawr” and that sounded like Macadamia nut. Pine nut, which is a nut, but it’s also the name of a town. Pistachio nut. Red pistachio nut. Natural, all natural white pistachio nut.
– Harlan Pepper

Don’t water the plants, they’re plastic!
– Gerry Fleck

Leslie and I have an amazing relationship and it’s very physical, he still pushes all my buttons. People say ‘oh but he’s so much older than you’ and you know what, I’m the one having to push him away. We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about.
– Sherri Ann Cabot

And to think that in some countries these dogs are eaten.
– Buck Laughlin

Now tell me, which one of these dogs would you want to have as your wide receiver on your football team?
– Buck Laughlin

She had dozens of boyfriends.
– Gerry Fleck
Hundreds.
– Cookie Fleck
Hundreds?
– Gerry Fleck
… Yeah, hundreds.
– Cookie Fleck
Well, I did not know that! Not that… Not that I didn’t have quite the reputation myself. I was known by, you know, “some”, to be quite the Casanova.
– Gerry Fleck

No, that’s a bear in a, in a bee costume.
– Meg Swan

Rhapsody has two mommies.
– Scott Donlan

We met at Starbucks. Not at the same Starbucks but we saw each other at different Starbucks across the street from each other.
– Meg Swan

I’ll gouge your right eye out with my thumb, I shit you not, you little freak! Now, will you get down here? I’m gonna punch you in the eye till it turns to jelly! I’ll stab you with forks till you bleed, how bout that?
– Max Berman

This is my euphemism, Stefan.
– Scott Donlan

How many years ago did he poke me?
– Cookie Fleck

Excuse me if this off the subject a little bit, but just take a guess at how much I can bench press. Come on, what do you think? Take a guess. 315 pounds, at the top of my game, maxing out at 500!
– Buck Laughlin

Don’t worry Gerry, I know where I’m at. But that was fun.
– Cookie Fleck

I didn’t ask for your opinion. I asked for a toy that you don’t have!
– Meg Swan

She looks like a cocktail waitress on an oil rig.
– Scott Donlan

I can’t dance, I can’t dance, I’ve got two left feet!
– Gerry Fleck
I thought he was kidding.
– Cookie Fleck
But I wasn’t. I was born with two left feet.
– Gerry Fleck

Doctor, question that’s always bothered me and a lot of people: Mayflower, combined with Philadelphia – a no-brainer, right? Cause this is where the Mayflower landed. Not so. It turns out Columbus actually set foot somewhere down in the West Indies. Little known fact.
– Buck Laughlin

Don’t look at the fat ass losers or freaks, look at me!
– Hamilton Swan

This? This is a fish. This is a fish! You know what? Just shut up.
– Meg Swan

He went for her like she’s made outta ham.
– Buck Laughlin

I remember what I was drinking when I met you. It was a grande espresso.
– Hamilton Swan
That’s right. And I thought that was really sexy.
– Meg Swan

We are *so* lucky. We are *so* lucky to have been raised amongst catalogs.
– Meg Swan

After the dog show I was on an El Al flight to Haifa faster than a walnut could roll off a henhouse roof.
– Harlan Pepper

We’re gonna be in Philadelphia for 48 hours, how many tea services can you do?
– Stefan Vanderhoof

Did somebody put something down here so I would trip?
– Cookie Fleck