Annie Hall (1977) quotes

Director
Woody Allen.

Cast
Woody Allen.
Diane Keaton.
Tony Roberts.

Neurotic New York comedian Alvy Singer falls in love with the ditzy Annie Hall.

It’s so clean out here.
– Annie Hall
That’s because they don’t throw their garbage away, they turn it into television shows.
– Alvy Singer

I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That’s the two categories. The horrible are like, I don’t know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don’t know how they get through life. It’s amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you’re miserable, because that’s very lucky, to be miserable.
– Alvy Singer

A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
– Alvy Singer

Love is too weak a word for what I feel – I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F’s, yes I have to invent, of course I – I do, don’t you think I do?
– Alvy Singer

Here, you look like a very happy couple, um, are you?
– Alvy Singer
Yeah.
– Female street stranger
Yeah? So, so, how do you account for it?
– Alvy Singer
Uh, I’m very shallow and empty and I have no ideas and nothing interesting to say.
– Female street stranger
And I’m exactly the same way.
– Male street stranger
I see. Wow. That’s very interesting. So you’ve managed to work out something?
– Alvy Singer

Honey, there’s a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.
– Alvy Singer

After that it got pretty late, and we both had to go, but it was great seeing Annie again. I… I realized what a terrific person she was, and… and how much fun it was just knowing her; and I… I, I thought of that old joke, y’know, the, this… this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doc, uh, my brother’s crazy; he thinks he’s a chicken.” And, uh, the doctor says, “Well, why don’t you turn him in?” The guy says, “I would, but I need the eggs.” Well, I guess that’s pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y’know, they’re totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and… but, uh, I guess we keep goin’ through it because, uh, most of us… need the eggs.
– Alvy Singer

Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat… college.
– Alvy Singer

My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.
– Alvy Singer

Sometimes I ask myself how I’d stand up under torture.
– Annie Hall
You? You kiddin’? If the Gestapo would take away your Bloomingdale’s charge card, you’d tell ’em everything.
– Alvy Singer

There’s an old joke – um… two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of ’em says, “Boy, the food at this place is really terrible.” The other one says, “Yeah, I know; and such small portions.” Well, that’s essentially how I feel about life – full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it’s all over much too quickly. The… the other important joke, for me, is one that’s usually attributed to Groucho Marx; but, I think it appears originally in Freud’s “Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious,” and it goes like this – I’m paraphrasing – um, “I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.” That’s the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationships with women.
– Alvy Singer

That sex was the most fun I’ve ever had without laughing.
– Alvy Singer

Sylvia Plath – interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college girl mentality.
– Alvy Singer

Awards! They always give out awards! I can’t believe it. Greatest Fascist Dictator: Adolf Hitler.
– Alvy Singer

Don’t worry. We can walk to the curb from here.
– Alvy Singer

I don’t want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
– Alvy Singer

Hey listen, gimme a kiss.
– Alvy Singer
Really?
– Annie Hall
Yeah, why not, because we’re just gonna go home later, right, and then there’s gonna be all that tension, we’ve never kissed before and I’ll never know when to make the right move or anything. So we’ll kiss now and get it over with, and then we’ll go eat. We’ll digest our food better.
– Alvy Singer

I did it. I killed ’em both.
– Alvy Singer
What’s the matter? What are you sad about? What did you want me to do? Capture ’em and rehabilitate ’em?
– Alvy Singer

Don’t you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we’re left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.
– Alvy Singer

Sex with you is really a Kafka-esque experience.
– Pam
Oh. Thank you.
– Alvy Singer
I mean that as a compliment.
– Pam