Rodney Dangerfield quotes

Born
November 22, 1921 Deer Park, New York, U.S.

Died
October 5, 2004.

Occupation
Songwriter, singer, artist, writer.

Rodney Dangerfield an American stand-up comedian, actor, producer and screenwriter known for the catchphrase “I get no respect!” and his monologues on that theme. He is also remembered for his 1980s film roles, especially in Easy Money, Caddyshack, and Back to School.

My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
– Rodney Dangerfield
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
– Rodney Dangerfield
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
– Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
– Rodney Dangerfield
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
– Rodney Dangerfield
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
– Rodney Dangerfield
I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
– Rodney Dangerfield
If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
– Rodney Dangerfield
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
– Rodney Dangerfield
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
– Rodney Dangerfield
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
– Rodney Dangerfield
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
– Rodney Dangerfield
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
– Rodney Dangerfield
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
– Rodney Dangerfield
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
– Rodney Dangerfield
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
– Rodney Dangerfield
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
– Rodney Dangerfield
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
– Rodney Dangerfield
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
– Rodney Dangerfield
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
– Rodney Dangerfield
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
– Rodney Dangerfield
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
– Rodney Dangerfield
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
– Rodney Dangerfield
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
– Rodney Dangerfield
My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
– Rodney Dangerfield
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
– Rodney Dangerfield
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
– Rodney Dangerfield
Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
– Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
– Rodney Dangerfield
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
– Rodney Dangerfield
My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
– Rodney Dangerfield
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
– Rodney Dangerfield
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.
– Rodney Dangerfield
I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
– Rodney Dangerfield
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
– Rodney Dangerfield